I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
