im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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