Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Panties = found
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
