I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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