My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
