I'm going to jail i love you
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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