Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
