It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
