its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
