i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
