is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
