there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize