How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
