i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
