Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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