Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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