Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize