is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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