tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
