Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
