So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he thought i was a dude.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
