i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
