I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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