i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he shaved USA in his pubs
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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