Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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