I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Randomize
