it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
