So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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