sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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