I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize