Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
