What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Randomize
