If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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