Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
