You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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