chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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