Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
