apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
