Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
