Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
