Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
