So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just puked most of my soul out..
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