look no pants
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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