Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
