used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
