Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You pole danced in your parka.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
