Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
