dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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