Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
