Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
