Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
