did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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