Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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