idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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