respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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