am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
