Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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