I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
