Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
