You work out of a Hotel?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
