Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
foreskin is a definite game changer
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
