I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
