She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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