I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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