at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
