im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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