you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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