Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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