Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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