i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
