how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
