Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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