What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
