I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
