Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize