I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
