i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
