Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
