I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My balls are so social today.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
