discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
