VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
