but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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