last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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