I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
