He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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