Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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