so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just forgot I was standing up.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize