I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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