fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
