It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
