I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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