dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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