Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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