I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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