my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
