hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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