it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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