threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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