in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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