Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Text me some of your sweat
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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