1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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