So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
