Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
