Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
