Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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