why didn't you poke me back
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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