I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
