Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
