It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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