Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
