dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
