he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
